


The Exiled Prince and the Disowned Duchess

by Randilee



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: F/M, Prince of Starkhaven - Freeform, exiled prince
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-01
Updated: 2016-02-05
Packaged: 2018-05-17 12:48:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,233
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5870257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Randilee/pseuds/Randilee





	1. Crestwood, 9:42 Dragon

 

Katherine and Garrett Hawke were the last ones awake in their little camp in the rocky hills of Crestwood. Hawke added more wood to the dimming fire, and he had yet to give up on coaxing information out of Katherine about her life. She was trying hard to keep the walls up. Allowing him to get to know her would only allow for more ammo against her. She barely knew Hawke, didn’t trust him, didn’t want to.

“So, Blackwall is in love with you.” He said as if it were a simple observation he had made. As simple as plainly stating I noticed Blackwall has a beard. Either he was trying to stir up shit, or he was actually that good at reading people.

“No… he’s not.” Katherine shot back, annoyed already.

“Do you think we should ask him?” Hawke cupped his hands around his mouth and yelled out “Blackwall!” in the direction of the Warden’s tent.

Katherine shoved his shoulder to get him to quiet down, then hissed, “Shut it!”

Hawke’s self-impressed laughter subsided and he continued on with his questions. “If you’re noble born of Ostwick, why did you spend so much time in Kirkwall? And how is it that we've never met?”

“Perhaps I avoided you. There were rumors about the Champion of Kirkwall being a real pain in the ass. I can’t say I would argue with them.” Her teasing response warranted a small giggle from him. She continued, wanting to turn the subject as far away from her as possible. “How is your brother, by the way?”

“Carver… ? How the hell do you know Carver?” A larger laugh this time, followed by an incredulous look that told her she had just made a horrible mistake.

Katherine could have kicked herself. She was trying her best to deter his questions, not give him cause for more.

She spewed the first lie she could think of, “Oh, I simply read Varric’s book and was curious.”

“Nice try, darling, but Varric implicitly said that he was… I guess you could say put-off by the fact that you hadn’t read The Tale of the Champion. Oooh but your evasiveness is telling. Now I’m intrigued.” 

Shit. She thought, knowing that there was one more secret he had ferreted out.

“Fine… I knew Carver in Kirkwall. I had gone back to look for someone, and in the meantime I helped Elthina. I was a lay-sister in the chantry there, Carver would often come in the mornings to pray.”

“Carver? Praying in the Chantry? Riiight. Who were you looking for in Kirkwall?”

“Another story, another time, Hawke.”

“It doesn’t make sense. So he just stopped in every now and again and pretended to know the chant of light? And if that truly is all, why would you try to hide something seemingly so innocent? There has to be more to it.”

“Well, I was well aware that the only reason he came to the Chantry was to see me. He brought me roses from the gardens and helped me with errands every once in awhile. The person I had come to find had been forced to leave Kirkwall only just before I got there, had to take care of some… family business. I waited and waited for him to return, hoping that my trip hadn’t been a waste. It frustrated me, and I was all alone. Carver kept me company.”

“So you were the mystery girl! Maker… Carver would disappear for hours at a time, and when I asked him about it he would say he had been with a woman but wouldn’t tell me her name. I honestly thought he was making you up.”

“I told him that he couldn’t tell anyone who I was, lest rumors begin to circle. Tossing the name Trevelyan around could do more damage than you might expect.”

“Meaning you slept together. That sly bastard! No wonder he walked around with a smug smile on his face… Secretly bedding some gorgeous noblewoman. Trevelyan. Shit… so I have to know, how was my little brother? In the sack I mean.”

“Hawke! That really is not appropriate. I doubt Carver would want…” 

Hawke cut her off. “For all I know, you were his first. I’m just curious if he has a chance of finding anyone else who will sleep with him. The brooding apparently worked on you, but it’s annoying to most. And the Grey Warden thing can only carry him so far…”

“He told me about this. You and him, your never ending competition with each other. I see now why you pissed him off so much.” 

“It’s a curse really. Speaking of competition. I don’t suppose you would be interested in finding out which brother truly is better in bed? My odds are on the eldest.” Hawke said just sarcastically enough that he could play it off as a joke if she took offense. He had to try, couldn't blame him for that. A seductive smirk bared his teeth slightly.

It baffled her how one person could be so damn charismatic. 

While Hawke’s offer gave her pause, she almost felt that she owed Carver this one victory over his brother. He had been allowed one thing in which his brother would never be, and that would be a night with her. It was multiple nights, to be concise. 

Also, while Hawke’s charm could easily draw her in, she would rather avoid any complications. Their friendship was going well so far, why muck it up with messy sex?

Besides, she couldn't bring herself to do that to his brother. She understood the reasons for which Carver was the way he was and she was more attracted to him because of it.

She had also been the youngest, with her older brother always getting the attention because he was the heir to the land. He was the only one with anything to offer. Also just like Carver, she relied more on aggression to get what she wanted than charm. Charm like Hawke’s. Charm that would talk people into anything. But there were other methods with which to get one’s way.

Charisma had never really been her thing. 

Intimidation, a little more her thing. She worked with what she had, and what she had was a fierce set of eyes that could burn holes through someone’s skull, and a well-stocked arsenal of backhanded comments. Getting in the last word, flicking it like salt into a wound… that was her specialty.

She could walk out of a room, and leave those behind feeling as though her voice was still ringing through the air. Humming and vibrating in silence, as thoughts were left spinning to take in every word, contemplating every hidden truth.

Katherine knew the value of words, and she did not take them for granted. There were some people to whom words meant nothing. People who you could pelt with thousands of words and they wouldn’t take a single one in because they are too concerned with filling the air with their own words. 

These people she didn’t open her mouth to. Silence spoke louder to them. Silence silenced them.

Then there are the people who save every conversation like a take-out box of food to digest and taste again later. They sift through each statement, tongue at each word anxiously trying to analyze.

Whydidisaythat. Shouldn’thavesaidthat. Iwonderwhattheymeantbythat? Theyhatemethat’sit. Iwonderiftheyreallymeantthat?

These were the people she loved the most, the ones who hung on her every word, auditing them with suspicion. A cleverly concealed insult was not wasted on this kind. No, they would have already tossed back and forth every possible hidden meaning to her words before they even responded. These ones were a challenge to Katherine, and she always enjoyed a challenge.

It truly was a work of art, the manner in which she inflicted manipulation. Manipulation, not charisma. There was quite a difference. Reserved tact, and a well-placed smile confused them all into trusting her without question.

But this was exactly what had gotten her into trouble. One can usually only go so long, playing their games, before finding someone else who can play them just as well.

Sebastian had played them even better.

Her thoughts were interrupted by Hawke’s prying. “So, are you going to tell me who you were looking for in Kirkwall? And, just a guess, but I’m going to say this story will give some insight into why you’re so unwilling to trust anyone? Oh ye fearless Inquisitor, slaying dragons and mighty beasts alike but is unable to slay her own demons.”

“Do you really think that egging me on like that will make me want to tell you?” She resisted the impulse to punch him in the shoulder.

“My second guess was going to be that your father never loved you. No? Okay, okay… I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, please just tell the story before I blurt out another smartass comment! I truly can’t help it!” He was so amused with himself, with a grin spanning the entire width of of his face.

With a rough sigh, and a warning glare that masked her urge to laugh along with him, she gave in. Perhaps it would be good to have a friend who actually knew the whole story, she thought. “Fine, Hawke. But it will be a long story, I’ll have to start at the beginning or none of it will make sense.” She waited almost hoping that he would give up, but he simply raised his eyebrows and sat there waiting. “Alright… You are Ferelden, but I trust you’ve heard of the Vael’s? From Starkhaven? Well… when I was a young girl, my engagement was arranged with Sebastian Vael.”

“Wait… you were engaged to Sebastian? As in, Choir Boy Sebastian?” Hawke’s eyes grew so wide that Katherine thought they would burst.

So, they know each other… Greeeat. 

“Are you going to let me tell my story or not?” she snapped.

Hawke quieted down and rubbed his brow, already exhausted by the surprise of Kat’s story. Under his breath he muttered, “Sebastian fucking Vael…” still astonished about the revelation.

Just you wait… Katherine thought.


	2. The Free Marches

Kat and Bash had been engaged since they were both five, and growing up they knew little about each other, save for the fact that they loathed one another. Katherine had spent her youth dreading their marriage, and she had done absolutely everything in her power to stop it.

She wanted to choose who she married, and not because she believed in notion of true love, but because she simply couldn’t stand anyone having a single ounce of control over her. Sebastian and she were nearly the same person. They had the same manipulative ways, obsessive need for control and power. They both would rather be feared, before being loved.

At first, this made them enemies. Enemies who tortured each other through snide plots and sinister games. Sebastian had hired 20 men to appear as ghosts, haunting the Trevelyan mansion in Ostwick thinking that it would be a fun joke. Katherine’s grandmother had very nearly died of a heart attack after seeing a “ghost” that looked like her late husband in his early years. 

Kat had all but declared war on Bash after that. She had sent at least ten girls, trained by herself in the arts of sex and seduction to try and lure him into the trap of lust. Her confidants were tasked with trying to bed the young Prince of Starkhaven, then expose him for it and put the blame on him. If Sebastian were known to inappropriately ensnare young girls into his bed chambers, perhaps then her father would no longer force her to marry him. 

But Bash never fell into her trap. Sebastian was notorious for the attention he got from women, so Katherine was dumbfounded by why he never bedded a single one of the girls she sent. She didn’t care that she was using them, they all did whatever she said because of who she was. She could trick anyone into anything, and when she wanted something she would go to any lengths necessary. And she wanted to be free of him.

Sebastian was the exact same way, and they both fought back and forth. Sending fake, incriminating letters to the other’s parents. Planting spies on both ends. Katherine’s people drugged Bash to make it seem like he had been drinking heavily before an important ball his father threw. Sebastian’s spies altered all of Katherine’s dresses, so that one step on her hem would rip the skirt of the dress clean off. After the eighth time it happened, she knew he had to be behind it and who in her castle was loyal to Sebastian. 

At first, the pranks were all in good fun but, as it is in human nature to push things too far, their little tricks eventually disowned the both from their families. 

Katherine neared eighteen, and her marriage to Sebastian loomed closer. He was the youngest of three, with two older brothers. Just as she was. Bash would never have claim to the throne while his older brothers were alive. While Katherine wasn’t about to kill off his older brothers to place him on the throne, it would have made marrying him less horrible if he were actually going to have some power at one point. His older brothers seemed to be perfect gentlemen where Bash was nothing but a rebellious teenager. But then again, so was she.

The eldest son of the Vael’s, Frederic, had always had an affinity for Katherine and she was well aware of this fact. Since they were children he had doted on her, but they were children no longer and Frederic himself was being pushed into a marriage arranged by his parents. He would assume the throne once his father died, and so his marriage was of even greater importance. A nobleman’s daughter from Nevarra had very carefully been selected for him.

One month before Frederic’s wedding, Katherine seized what she saw as her last chance. He and his Nevarran fiancee were visiting Ostwick and staying with the Trevelyans. They had all gathered in the great hall of the castle for dinner. As they all ate, she placed herself on display for him. Frederic said not one word to his betrothed, and instead was showered with attention from Katherine. He ate it up more than willingly. Sebastian had been forced to sit beside her at the table and awkwardly contemplate what trick she had up her sleeve this time. 

After dinner was over, she rushed down the hall to the powder room to check her appearance, then went to the guest chambers where Frederic was to sleep that night. She waited for him behind the closed door, listening to him awkwardly, coldly bid his fiance a good night. 

The surprise on his face when he opened the door was delicious. It must have been quite the sight for him, having imagined her in this way for years. Sleeve hanging off of her shoulder, black hair a little messy, and rose perfume delicately dabbed on each side of her neck. It was too easy for her.

He was handsome enough, she could at least pretend that she was attracted to him.

“I’ve waited so long for a chance to be alone with you.” She was sitting in the edge of his bed, and had been waiting for him to walk through the door. “Too long.” she continued. His face was flurried with nervous excitement. This eldest son was nothing like the youngest. Sebastian was bold and fearless, where Frederic was made vulnerable just by the sight of her. 

She could almost hear his heart race faster as he stepped towards her. As he came to sit beside her on the bed, his eyes scanned her in anticipation.

She didn’t do cute well, or pretty, or delicate, or any of the things that a girl is told she should be.

She did do sexy well. In the thrilling, almost-partially scary sort of way. And that did work for her. Most of the men she met were confused about being either turned on, or terrified. There really was no in between. This is not to say that her adventures with men had been particularly numerous, rather that she used her talent to her advantage when it was necessary. Her talent would come in handy while trying to seduce the eldest Prince of Starkhaven.

“My fiancee is only just down the hall, Katherine…” Frederic had said while eyeing her bare shoulder.

“I know… it saddens me so, to see you marrying someone else. Someone… who you don’t care for.” Kat ran her fingers softly through his dark brown hair, noting that it did not have the slight curl that Sebastian’s did. He didn’t take his wide eyes from her. Like a deer, like easy prey. “Not the way you care for me. Isn’t that right? You care for me. And you always have.” Her sultry, low voice was drawing him in closer and closer.

“Yes, I have always… but I can’t. You are engaged to Sebastian.” He shook his head and stood up, trying to distance himself from the seductress. Succubus.

Frederic faced away from her, looking at the armoire in front of him. She slinked forward to stand behind him and speak softly into his ear. “You already know that Sebastian and I would kill each other before we made it to the chapel. I’m sorry Fred… I dream of a life where we are not forced into marrying someone we hate. I dream of us… it’s no use. Perhaps if it weren’t for our titles, we could run away together and live the life we wanted.” She pulled off the lie most convincingly.

“You would run away with me?” He turned to face her, hope filling his eyes. Kat wasn’t the only one who would take any out of an unwanted marriage. This hope covering his face was about more than his boyish feelings for her. Perhaps she was doing him a favor. That’s what she would tell herself anyway, justifying it.

At his words, a smile spread across her lips knowing that her plan might actually work out. “How’s tomorrow sound?”

 

Rumors flew after the disappearance of the royal heir and the youngest Trevelyan daughter. The whole of the Free Marches knew that any chance of an alliance with Nevarra was gone the second the two of them snuck off together in the night. Every city state was in an uproar over the scandal, and still no one knew where they had run off to. 

Had it not been for Sebastian’s spies keeping an eye on Katherine, they may have never been found. He helped both of their enraged fathers trace them to a village on the Storm Coast across the small sea separating the Marches from Ferelden. 

Bash had opened the door to the little cabin they shared, and Katherine stood cooking fish on the stove in a white dress that had always been his favorite, even though he had teasingly told her she should stick to black. 

Frederic stood behind her with his hand rested on the small of her back. Sebastian couldn’t move his eyes from his brother’s hand. It was such a foreign concept to him, that Katherine… his Katherine, was being touched by another man. Crippling rage took over his body, making his chest puff and his breath stop in his lungs. He had never felt jealousy before, because Katherine had never even been near other men before. She had hardly given them the time of day. She had always been too preoccupied with planning her next form of revenge against Bash.

He and Kat had always been rivals, enemies, but she had always been his. Not because of their engagement. No. It was because in some small way he had always felt that they were equals. Counterparts to one another. She was the only one who understood that he lived off of thrill of their games, because she did too. Regardless of their fighting, it felt to him that he was not whole without her. The pranks and mischief that passed between the two was due to their nature, rather than their actual distaste for each other. Or that was what he had thought.

Seeing her with his eldest brother, whose shadow he had forever lived in, was a blow unlike any other. He thought it meant that he was wrong about her, and that she truly would do anything to avoid marrying him. 

The two turned around, astonished to see that there was an intruder to their staged happiness. It was a matter of seconds before Sebastian had crossed the room and tackled his big brother to the ground. He laid fist after fist into his face, bloodying both Frederic and the floor of the cabin. 

Katherine stood back in shock of it all, unsure of why Bash was so outraged at Fred, and therefore she couldn’t even begin to focus on trying to stop it. The idea of him being jealous was out of the question. At least, that was what she thought.

Ser Vael rushed in and tore Sebastian off of Frederic. “Sebastian! Maker’s breath… how could you? This is your brother!” His father bent down to examine the damage done to Frederic’s face, and Bash paced back and forth on the opposite side of the cabin, still steaming. 

Katherine’s gaze was glued to him, but his eyes never met hers. He was avoiding her, refusing to look at her. His chest heaved with angry, short breaths and he clinched his fists trying to relieve the pain he now felt in his split, bleeding knuckles.

Her own father had rushed into the cabin too, and was already dishing out a lecture that she was easily ignoring. All she could focus on was that memory playing on a loop in her mind’s eye as she stared off in the distance. The memory of Bash walking through the door, looking as though he had just been shot. 

“Katherine Elaine! Are you even listening to me? The both of you leave tonight! I hope you’re pleased with yourself, you and Sebastian both are condemned to exile, and you shall live out your punishment in a cloister!”

“Surely not Bash, too! What has he done wrong? The blame is entirely on me!” Katherine wiped away stinging tears quickly before they could begin to come any faster. 

The memory again played over for her. Sebastian rushing forward at Fred, painful anger on his face, jealousy staining darker than any love or loyalty for his brother. 

I’ve all but broken his heart, but how? How do you break someone’s heart when they don’t care? He wasn’t supposed to care… I’m not supposed to care.

More tears spilled over, pushed out by her confused thoughts and her own fractured heart.

“Father! Please don’t do this to Sebastian! I will go, take me but he has done nothing!” She repeated again trying to urge her father to see reason.

At her words, Sebastian stopped pacing and finally looked up at her, with furrowed brows. He frustratedly thumbed at his bleeding knuckles again, but they held each other’s unwavering gaze. 

Sebastian’s father sighed in frustration, “The both of you have been an embarrassment to your families with your incessant antics. It is not solely you who carries the blame, Lady Trevelyan. Neither your father, nor I, want to do this but we can not afford any more trouble. If you can’t learn to at least tolerate each other, then you will be forced to do so.” 

“Does this mean that Katherine is relinquished from our so despised engagement, then?” Sebastian said with harsh sarcasm. 

Katherine wanted to shrivel up and die right there on the floor.

“The both of you have been exiled. Seeing that you are no longer a part of our family, it makes no difference what you do, Sebastian.” His father said. 

Kat’s stomach churned to see on Bash’s face how much his father’s words hurt, and she blamed herself for it. Judging by the look he gave her, he blamed her, too. She morphed her expression into the best apology she could, feeling as though actually saying the words ‘I’m sorry’ out loud would never be enough.


	3. Kirkwall, 9 years ago

The two disowned children were sent off to the chantry in Kirkwall where they were expected to work as a lay brother and lay sister of the faith. Sebastian helped with charity during the morning and ran errands for the Templars in the afternoon. Kat joined the sisters in their morning benedictions and tended to the roses that grew in the Chantry gardens. 

It was a very boring existence, which made it an apt punishment. For the first two months, they said little to each other. Bash would meet her eyes in passing, but always looked away very quickly. His unwavering stone cold expression made it hard to tell if he was still angry with her. Their quarters were near each other and they would frequently sit together for hours, reading without muttering a single word. They were alone, with no one but each other.

The sisters of the Chantry and the Templars were very unfriendly towards Kat and Bash, knowing nothing about them except that they had done something grave enough to deserve exile. Grand Cleric Elthina later became the biggest comfort they had, strict as she was. Both Katherine and Sebastian’s mothers had never been very focused on them as they were growing up. They had both of them more concerned about matters of court, or throwing lavish parties with which to gossip with the other nobility. Elthina was one of the first adults to show them actual guidance. 

Sebastian had tried to escape the second week by climbing down from the window. Katherine had heard him stirring in the hallway, and peeked out of her door after hearing the window creak open. Her eyes fell on him just as he had hoisted himself to sit on the pane of the unlatched stained glass, before disappearing through it. 

Katherine knew when she saw him at breakfast the next day that something had happened to change his mind, and she would have bet the allowance her father gave her that it had been Elthina. No one could talk sense into Bash the way she could.

He was different after that, changed by something but she wasn’t sure if she would ever know what by. It was as though all of the chaos and impulsivity had been calmed in him. Like how after a storm would calm and then the life would return to the woods behind her family’s estate. It was as though he thought with a clear head for the first time. Katherine saw this even from simply sitting across from him at lunch time, and it made her realize how well she actually knew him.

The night following, after everyone else had gone to sleep, he had come to her rooms. 

Kat sat on the edge of her bed, curiously confused about the way he stood there in the doorway saying nothing. He was still but for his hands fidgeting at the end of his tunic, his eyes blankly stared at the ground by her feet. 

She didn’t know if he would ever even say anything, or if he would just stand in silence for awhile and then leave. The thought of him walking away was nearly painful, so she decided to speak first.

“Sebastian… I’m so sorry. For everything. For your brother, for…”

“Don’t” he interrupted. Katherine’s heart sank thinking that he would forever be mad, but then he finally met her eyes. “Don’t be sorry. We both did so many things we shouldn’t have.”

Bash looked as though his eyes might fill up with tears any second, but he blinked whatever thoughts he was thinking away. He stared at her intensely, nervous and overwhelmed. They had bottled up everything they needed to say, everything they should have said the first chance they had. She wished that she had been honest with him a long time ago.

“Would you like to come sit down?” A crack disrupted her voice. It was the first time she had ever allowed herself to be vulnerable to him, and that was more difficult than she could have imagined.

“No... I’m sorry. I-I shouldn’t have come.” 

It was as though there was an invisible barrier between the two of them, one he physically could not cross even though he wanted to. She supposed that there really was a barrier between them. 

A lack of trust. Stabbing suspicion. 

They had spent so much time hating each other that it was hard to believe that there would ever be a chance in the world that they would allow themselves to care. But the truth was, they had both cared all along. That was why all of this had hurt so much.

Sebastian turned from the doorway, leaving her alone again in her room and he disappeared down the dark corridor. For a moment, a voice in her head made Katherine freeze, telling her that it was a horrible idea to chase after him. But then she thought about how many years she had been telling herself, convincing herself, that he was horrible even though deep down she thought the opposite. 

She thought he was incredible. 

He was bravely, unashamedly himself even when put up against his father’s scrutiny. He lived his life the way he wanted to. Kat had always looked up to him for that, secretly of course. Then there was the fact that they both craved excitement and adventure so much that they had created it for themselves. They were a bad influence on each other, teasing one another into doing things that would make their parents blush if they ever found out. But even behind the mischievous games they played, lay a knowledge that their lives would be dull without their counterpart.

Sebastian had been the only one to ever get the off color sense of humor she possessed. He would laugh when no one else would and then throw an insulting, vulgar joke back. Katherine would pretend she didn’t find any joke he told funny, but she always sat in her room at night alone, going over their conversations. In the solitary comfort of her room she would allow herself to giggle slightly, remembering his witty words.

It was all an act, a play that she put on even for herself. It was easy to pretend to like someone, but pretending to hate someone was exhausting. 

Ever so often, Bash would do or say something that made her wonder if he was doing to say thing. He would write notes to her for his spies to leave on her bed, as a way of letting her know he had ways to get to her. Most of the time, they were riddles foreshadowing his next prank, but every once in awhile they were something more.

I look forward to what you  
come up with next,  
that mind of yours both   
eludes and terrifies me.  
In the best way.  
S

It was a note that had been left with a single white rose, and was one of the few things that had stuck in her mind and left her with questions. It had terrified her actually, because she had begun to consider that he might want her. In the same way that she wanted him. She had begun to question if something might come from it.

And instead of facing the potential embarrassment of being wrong, she had cut and run. She found the first out there was, with Frederic, and ran as far from her feelings as she could. Because more than anything, she was too afraid to believe that she might get what she truly wanted. She was too scared to hope that he might want her, too.

But that was before, when she thought she had everything to lose. The truth was, she had nothing to lose, not until now. As she sat on the edge of the uncomfortable bed, Katherine saw that for the first time what she wanted was within her reach. She had never realized that Bash had all along been hers, and she wouldn’t allow him to walk away. Not again.

 

Fuck it. She chased away the remaining fear that kept her tied to the bed. It took all of her strength to stand up and run out into the hallway to go after Sebastian. It was like caring about him was exhausting, because everything in her body told her to despise him. Everything she had ever known, every memory and emotion and muscle told her to be angry with him, but her heart said no. Her heart pushed her onward.

“Bash wait!” He was twenty feet from her down the hall. Her voice desperately echoed through the dimly lit upstairs of the Chantry. It resounded in the same melodic way the voices of the choir did through the acoustics of the building during morning service. He stopped walking, but kept his back to her. His shoulders were slumped and sad, he had given up. Katherine scanned the back of him, hoping to find some small hint that she wasn’t about to make a terrible mistake. 

She decided that she didn’t care. She decided to leap and let go of all the crap that had held her back up until this point. 

“Sebastian, I know you love me…. Or at least, I know that you did. The look on your face when you saw me with Fred…” He turned to her now, astonishment blanketing his face. His blue eyes focused in on her in disbelief. “I had always thought that you were utterly disgusted by me. I sought a way out because, I couldn’t stand marrying someone who I was convinced hated me. And it’s not just that, I hated myself because I…” Silent tears began to carve their way down her cheeks. 

Can’t turn back now, Kat. She drew in a steadying breath. “I despised myself, tortured myself because I had always known… deep down, that I love you. I thought I was weak because of it. I mean… how does one fall in love with their enemy? I thought I was shameful and I was embarrassed because I knew if you ever found out, you would only just laugh at me. Or that is what I thought, until that night. But seeing the pain in your eyes… Then I knew. You had felt the same thing. The same guilt and shame and love.”

Katherine took a couple steps towards him when he said nothing, but only a couple feet. Not getting too close. She stopped, thinking that she had just cut open her heart and displayed it to him only to find out she was wrong.

But she was not wrong.

The words came again, pouring out of her mouth as though she couldn’t stop them if she wanted to. “All my life, I sought a way out of marrying you. But once I had it, I had to question things. When I was with your brother, the only thing I could think about…. was you. All I could see was that his hair wasn’t the same as yours, or that his eyes weren’t the same brilliant shade of blue. Every time I heard his voice it bothered me, it wasn’t smooth and low like yours. And he didn’t get my jokes like you had. I would say something remarkably funny, waiting to hear your laugh come from his lips. But it never did. The only thing I did when I was with him, was compare him to you. And that, more than anything made me realize, that maybe this is what I want.” 

“You… you love me?” Bash asked, as though he had to hear himself say the words to make them seem more real. Katherine offered him a small nod, but tried her best to keep her face stoic and unreadable. 

“And you…? I’m sorry if I assumed, if I’m mistaken then I am so very sorry…”

“No, you are not wrong. I did love you. I was destroyed when I thought you actually cared for Fred.”

“And, what about now?”

“I don’t think you can ever stop loving someone. Not really. Do you?”

Katherine smiled for the first time in a very very long time. It was the vision of pure happiness, not in the superficial way. It was genuine happiness that came from years of torment and heartbreak that was finally relieved. It was a happiness that was only borne of years of thinking that the one thing you wanted more than anything, you would never have, only to find that it had been within reach the whole time. So her smile was both the smile of someone whose dreams had just been handed to them, as well as one of sadness. 

They both took off at a run, their bodies colliding together with a snap. Neither of them even hesitated before their lips crashed together. Sebastian pulled her into the wall and pushed her into it with his passion-fueled kiss. They had forgotten completely where they were. They didn’t care that they stood in the Chantry with the huge statue of Andraste staring down at them. 

Sebastian wanted nothing but her, that was all he had ever wanted. His hands followed the curve of her back as she arched her hips into him. Their bodies moved together, savoring the exquisite heat that burned hotter with each movement. Bash tried to pull away from her, he didn’t want to push her too far, couldn’t lose her. But Katherine’s wet tongue flicked at his desire and made it impossible to think about anything else. 

“Bash, I want this…” she breathed heavily to catch her breath and managed to get the words out as their kiss broke apart. Both of their chests heaved with impatient anticipation for the other’s body.

Katherine grabbed a fist full of his tunic and pulled his mouth back to hers. Sebastian’s hand snaked to the front of her pants and fumbled with her ties. He had loosened them and had almost begun tugging them off of her when they heard a voice boom through the Chantry hall below.

“Sebastian? Is that you?” Grand Cleric Elthina called out innocently, unaware of the thoroughly unchaste scene above. The two of them froze but did not pull away from each other out of fear that she might hear them. 

Bash held a hand over Katherine’s mouth to keep her from laughing, but it only made her laugh more. The sound of it rang through the hall and they could hear Elthina’s footsteps following the noise to come find them. 

They took off at a run into Katherine’s bedroom and locked the door behind them, to which there was no key other than the one Kat kept in her pocket. Sebastian held his ear to the crack in the door until Elthina knocked loudly. He staggered backwards, listening as her fist rapped harshly on the exterior of it.

“What are the two of you up to? Katherine…? Sebastian…? Open this door immediately.”

Sebastian ran to lay on the bed and pulled Katherine down with him. Their hands rushed with agonizing urgency to free their bodies from the clothes that kept them apart. Each article of clothing that was flung across the room brought their intoxication higher and higher. Sebastian’s eyes traced excitedly over her gorgeous breasts and long bare legs, and then his hungry hands followed. 

It was euphoric to Katherine to see how much he wanted her. She had craved him for years, even touched herself thinking about him, and the thing that had sent her over the edge was always the same. She had fantasized about him looking at her in that exact way. His hooded eyes widened in anticipation his mouth fell open with pleasure as she rubbed him. In her fantasies he had always looked at her as though she were the most fascinating, precious and dangerous thing in the world. In these fantasies he had looked at her like he was completely in love with her.

Just like he was looking at her now.

Elthina knocked again and grunted in frustration, but the two of them didn’t even hear her. They were enraptured, consumed by the other and nothing could keep their bodies from interlocking. 

They made love again and again throughout the night. It was because they had never felt that sort of happiness and they clung to it as though it meant life itself. 

Through the stained glass windows of Katherine’s room, she could see that the dark of the night had begun to lighten. Her head was resting on Bash’s naked chest. The beating of his heart was the most sacred and beautiful sound she had ever heard.

“We should probably get some sleep.” Katherine whispered, breaking apart the silence of the early morning. They hadn’t said much to each other since their confessions out in the hallway, and that seemed to be almost a life away. Laying next to each other with their bare bodies under the covers of Katherine’s bed was so very different from how it had been. The awkwardly silent lunch they had shared the day previous. The longing glances where they would look away before the other saw. Now, they were left trying to take it all in.

“Katherine…?” Sebastian asked quietly.

“Yes, Bash?” 

He smiled because he realized that she was the only one to ever call him that. Then his face grew more serious, remembering what he meant to ask her. “This was your first time, wasn’t it?”

Katherine just nodded her head without picking it up from his chest. Sebastian let out a relieved breath that had been building in his throat as he waited nervously for her response.

“Thank the Maker… I’m sorry, I don’t mean I would have judged you if it hadn’t. I only…” He shook his hand through his hair trying to pick himself up after tripping over his words. “Let me start over. I thought for sure that you and my brother had… The way you had said that you thought of me when you were with Fred, I thought you meant you had been with Fred. Ugh, I don’t know Kat. It just bothered me more than I can say… thinking of him touching you.”

“I told you that I have always been yours. Even when you didn’t know I was.” She sat up to plant another kiss on his lips, and he followed with three more to her forehead. 

“You know, it was my first time, too.” Sebastian said timidly, afraid that she might think less of him for it but he wasn’t sure why. Maybe because his brothers had always teased him for it.

“You’re serious? But I heard rumors all the time about you… different girls each week, and such.”

“Hmm. Well, that’s what they are though, isn’t it? Just rumors. I’ve never had the patience to even speak with other girls for more than five minutes. Now you… you and I could argue for hours. You can fascinate and enrage me at the same time, I don’t understand it. Every time our families dined together we never shut up, talked over everyone else. No wonder they shipped us off, right?”

Sebastian nipped and tickled at her neck with his lips just to hear her giggle. She begged him to stop through her laughter, and he finally did, but only to kiss her once more.

Katherine absentmindedly drew little circles with her fingers on his smooth chest. “I think it’s impressive that we both basically ran separate spy networks without either of our parents finding out. Speaking of… I sent gorgeous girl after gorgeous girl to lure you into bed, and not one of them succeeded. I suppose, now, I’m glad that they didn’t. But i’m only curious, am I just bad at guessing your type?”  
“I don’t have a type.” he said with raised brows.

“Then what was it?” Katherine impatiently waited for his response.

“They weren’t you.”


	4. Crestwood, 9:42 Dragon

Katherine stood up to move the logs around in the fire, resting her voice after talking for so long. Hawke sat to the side of her in silent awe of her story. He remembered when Sebastian stayed with him. He would spend hours writing letters that he would never send, that always ended up in crumples by Hawke’s upstairs fire. He hadn’t wanted to ask, but Bodahn was beginning to complain about the amount of ash he had to clean out of the fireplace. 

Hawke recalled walking up behind Sebastian as he sat upstairs re-reading his letter, obviously considering whether he should actually send it. 

“Kaaatherine Elaine Trevelyan…. she sounds important.” Hawke had read the name off of the top of the letter before Sebastian even noticed he had walked up.

“Hawke… it’s none of your concern. Please.” Sebastian had shot back with the stern eyebrows he always wore when he was unamused.

Garrett’s memory pieced itself together, remembering that Carver had confronted Sebastian after he had walked away. It was strange how different the memory felt now that he knew the woman they were discussing. He vaguely could recall his little brother putting his arms down on the table in front of Sebastian, and saying, “You stay away from Katherine or I’ll take that pretty, shiny bow and shove it up your ass.” Tactful as ever, his brother. 

He hadn’t realized how little he actually knew about Sebastian until hearing Katherine talk about him. He had always seemed so uptight and unforgivingly Andrastian. Hawke could tell from her story that Sebastian had never shown him more than that because he never truly had trusted him.

That was the whole point of the Inquisitor’s story. Trust. Hawke had asked her why she had such a hard time opening up to people, and her response was her story about Sebastian.

“But you aren’t finished, are you? That sounds like a happy ending to me… but that’s not really how it ended, is it?”

She shook her head at the ground, her eyes sadly focused on the fire. “After that night, Elthina told us we weren’t allowed to both stay with the Chantry. So, Bash and I ran off to the countryside, some small village no one had ever heard of. We were going to get married, live a life away from the nobility, as we had been exiled from it anyhow. Childish imaginings.” She tried to draw strength in with her inhale, hoping she could force the rest of the words out quickly. She wanted to get it over with, get it out into the air so that it would stop weighing so heavily on her heart.

“We stayed there for a couple months. Wonderful months. And we were happy.” Hawke reached over to grab her hand when he saw tears flooding into her eyes. It surprised her because she hadn’t cried about it, not once. She had only felt anger about what happened. Katherine squeezed his large, rough hand; thankful for the comfort and warmth it provided. “My father died… and it almost killed my mother, too. Well, eventually it did. My eldest brother forgave my exile and begged me to return home to care for her. I tried to convince him to allow Sebastian to come as well, but he refused to pardon him. Bash’s father, he was still upset. My brother said he didn’t want to cross him now that he needed Starkhaven as an ally. But… my mother wasn’t eating, wouldn’t leave her room… I couldn’t not return home to look after her.”

Garrett nodded to assure her that he understood, and his thoughts briefly fell upon his own mother, Leandra, and how he would have done anything to save her. Regardless of the cost to himself.

“So, I left Sebastian. I told him that as soon as my mother was well, we would start again. I told him I would marry him the minute I saw him next. And I left. But, my mother never healed. She missed my father so much that it broke her, and she fell ill. She lay in bed for two years. Bit by bit, she diminished away from the healthy, bright mother I had remembered. Faded to something only heartbreak can be blamed for. I wrote to Sebastian constantly, it was my sole reprieve.”

Katherine still hadn’t let go of Garrett’s hand, and he sat there patiently listening to her every word. “After two years, I got a letter… my last letter, saying that he had sworn himself in as a Brother of the Faith for the Kirkwall Chantry. Meaning he had given up everything for a life of faith. Including me. He was done waiting for me. I read it the same day my mother died. I was happy for him, that he had found his purpose. But I was also mad at him for giving up on me so easily. After my mother’s funeral, I didn’t even go home. I stole my brother’s horse and rode in a long black dress all the way to Kirkwall. I had to see him. Had to try to convince him that we could still have the life we wanted. It was all I had left, he was all I had left.

“And you know the story from there Hawke. I arrived in Kirkwall to find that he had gone into hiding. He had just lost his parents, too… his entire family murdered. Elthina told me that he feared the assassins would come after him, as well. But she claimed to not know where Sebastian had gone.”

The humid chill had set in and Katherine began to shiver. Hawke went over to his tent, crawled in and grabbed a blanket to throw over her shoulders. He didn’t want her to stop talking. He had an inkling that this was the first time she had ever talked about this to anyone, and he was right. “That’s when you met Carver.” he guessed.

Kat nodded. “Yes. Carver was my revenge, my distraction. Bash had given his life to the Maker, so I privately mocked that fact by doing the opposite of what the Maker would want. Drinking, meaningless sex, anything resembling self-destruction. Carver used me in the same way, as an act of rebellion. It was a way to feel alive even though we both felt barren and dead inside. I had lost my parents and now Sebastian. He had lost his father… lost Bethany. He thought you hated him. For me, there was nothing left to live for or left to care about. Carver and I could have been something good, had we met at a different time. But the reasons we wanted each other were too selfish. It was unhealthy, too much so to ever become more than what we were. We both wanted someone to take our aggression out on, someone who we could use when we wanted to and someone we could leave when necessary. It’s funny how it worked out. We were both at that same dark place at the same time, we were exactly what the other needed.

“But he could only keep my mind distracted for so long. So, naturally, I had to flee Kirkwall. I didn’t even know where I was headed honestly. I just paid for passage on a ship to Ferelden, and… I guess the rest you already know.”

Hawke’s thoughts spun trying to remember all those years ago. “My men and I killed the mercenaries that assassinated Bash’s family. He had put up a notice on the Chanter’s board. He was in Kirkwall when you were. When you were with Carver… because that was before we went into the Deep Roads, before Carver became a Grey Warden. I never saw much of Sebastian then, but he was definitely in Kirkwall. He absolutely hated Carver. I don’t think Andraste herself could make him say something nice about my brother.”

Katherine nervously wondered if somehow Bash had known about her and Carver, and maybe that was why he disliked him so much. Maybe that was why he had never written to her again. The thought of him knowing made her ears burn hot.

Katherine had been rather secretive while in the city, few knew she was there. Not even her brother knew, although he had sent men looking for her. Well, her or the stolen horse. Sebastian had been forced to give up writing letters to her once he was sworn in, so she could have been in Antiva for all he knew. She wished she had been. She wished she had never gone back.

Hawke noticed how quiet she had grown and decided it was best to not push her too far. At least now she knew that she had someone to talk to. “Come on, Katherine, let’s get some sleep. Long day tomorrow.” He stood up from beside the fire, stretched out his hand to her and she took it with a timid smile.

Hawke walked her to her tent and much to Katherine’s surprise, pulled her into a tight hug. His eyes traced the shadows of the trees over Katherine's shoulder, trying to land upon the right words to say. “Maybe it’s one of those things that is never going to work out, no matter how much you want it to. Maybe that’s all you and Sebastian were ever supposed to be. Like you and Carver. The only way to move passed that is to be thankful for the time you had… recognise the good in it. It’s okay to move on. Doesn’t mean you love him any less.” Garrett pulled back from the hug to give her a kind smile. “Goodnight, Inquisitor.” he said, then walked away, leaving her alone in front of her tent.


	5. Skyhold

A month had passed since her and Garrett’s talk in the Crestwood forest. In an attempt to keep her mind off of things, Kat had thrown herself into Inquisition work. Hardly stopping to even make camp, her crew was beginning to tire. A letter from Cullen convinced her that it might be a good idea to return home to Skyhold for a break. Cullen. The man who never took breaks saw that she would run herself into the ground soon enough. He worked hard, but he knew his limits. Katherine was so stubborn that she ignored any limits she should have had, and went on fighting Venatori after Venatori on only 2 hours of sleep.

No one could get through to her, not until Cullen’s letter. After reading it, she felt bad for putting Blackwall, Dorian, and Bull through the couple weeks of torture. She had been selfish, and realizing that hurt more than everything else.

She felt less angry at Sebastian now, but it had always been easier to simply be mad at him. To blame him. Now, she did everything she could to not think about it at all, attempting the impossible.

She kept tripping over the idea that she had wasted so much time. It had been seven years since her mother’s death, seven years since Sebastian chose the Chantry. She had spent every moment of it being mistrustful and suspicious of everyone, not allowing a single person in. Katherine had not trusted anyone before Bash, but after him? She was even more jaded. Every face in the Inquisition was just another masked backstabber to her. At least, that’s how she saw everyone before Garrett Hawke had whittled his way into making her trust him.

Without Hawke’s friendship, she wondered if she would ever have seen how bitter and closed off she was to the rest of the world. There were some people she wouldn’t mind tearing her walls down for. Maybe. 

 

She was bent over one of the stable gates, feeding treats to the horse she usually rode. Her glance would occasionally find their way over to watch the tall bearded man while he worked on sharpening his blade. 

Katherine's thoughts wandered to her conversation with Hawke in Crestwood. ‘So… Blackwall is in love with you.’ Garrett had blatantly said. How could he have guessed such a thing, after barely even being around Blackwall? Kat began to wonder if Hawke had seen a look on Blackwall’s face while her back was turned. Or maybe Hawke had overheard him say something to Dorian. As she watched the Warden from the stables, she felt her desire to know the truth cut deeper with each second that passed. 

It was a hot day for Skyhold, too hot to work on a blade while in training armor. Blackwall sat down the blade and stood up to take a layer off, wiping a droplet of sweat by his ear with the back of a hand. Katherine casually leaned back, holding on to the stable gate. She lifted her chin and getting a better look with unconvincing nonchalance.

Blackwall met her eyes and offered a sly smile, entertained by how blatantly she was sizing him up. Like a bird, showing off his feathers, he tossed the armor to the side and allowed her a moment to look at him in his sweat soaked undertunic. He tilted his head to the side with a slight question in the movement, and it made her turn away to hide a smile from him.

He loosely rolled up the sleeves of the thin cotton tunic, then began work on his blade again. Katherine’s mouth almost fell open at the sight of his biceps rippling underneath his shirt at each rip of the grindstone. 

“Maker” she said under her breath, and she was snapped out of her fantasy as the horse’s black nose sneezed snot at her. Katherine gave the horse a harsh glare, feeling childish for it but sticking with it nonetheless. She giggled under her breath and reminded herself that she was supposed to be working on her grudges, so she fed him one more carrot as a gesture of forgiveness for the snot. She pat his slick black neck and whispered goodbye. 

Curiosity would be what killed the Kat, she was sure. And this time curiosity had gotten the better of her. So she walked towards the man who had been so quiet and reserved since he had joined the Inquisition. He had been so mysterious and careful not to reveal too much about himself. Sort of like herself.

“You know, we have people who would sharpen that for you in the smithy.” she said, motioning towards the blade.

His calm eyes widened with surprise as she approached before looking back down quickly, vexed by how close she had come. Blackwall continued to push the grindstone over the blade as he spoke, “Ah, well… there are few things a man should take such pride in as to not let another man touch them. As I’m sure you well know, My Lady.” His eyes moved up to connect with hers in an anxious fluster. Katherine’s breath caught at the back of her throat and she could feel the familiar hot tingle of a blush moving up the back of her neck.

“And why pray, would I know that?” She threw a confident smirk on her lips hoping it would distract from the shade of rose her cheeks had become.

“Beautiful women like yourself do not go this long without catching the eye of more than a couple suitors. Surely you yet belong to one of them. Cullen? Or maybe even the elven mage. No… it has to be Ser Barris. Ever since you promoted him he’s been smitten.” 

She dismissed his comments about the other men. Especially the mention of Solas. That man made her want to throw herself off of the tower. 

“You’re oddly charming for someone I found wandering in the forest.” She had always been good at flirting, when she wanted to be.

“I always thought myself more odd than charming…” He chuckled at the ground by his feet. “But, I’ll take a compliment from a lady.”

“Would you…” She almost changed her mind halfway through her sentence, but pushed the words out with a couple bats of her eyelashes. “Would you like to get a drink with me?”

Blackwall looked up from his blade, his eyes wide with surprise. He was trying to keep from seeming too eager and that pleased Katherine. His attempt to hold back a smile failed, and it pulled at the corner of his mouth anyway. 

“My Lady.” he said with a slight bow of his head, abandoning his blade on the wooden bench to follow her to the tavern. “First round is on me. I’m only glad to see you’re taking a moment to relax. Seems a rare thing for you these days.”

His concern usually would have made her add some bricks onto the walls she had up. This time, she allowed herself to cherish the simple fact that he might care, and that it would be okay if he did.


End file.
